How is it that you make me feel like the most unimportant person and the most important person all at the same time…
I remember a time when the biggest worry I had was whether or not to date you. Now, my worries are more along the lines of being scared of whether or not I’m enough. Enough to be doing what I’m doing. I just really feel lost. I feel like I’ve lost my way. And the only solace I have is you.
But that’s not how you feel about me. You lump everything into one pot called, “life,” so therefore everything is wrong. And there’s logic in it except for the fact that I don’t want to be lumped into what is wrong. I want you to see that I’m here and I’m not expecting to be anything you’re not. I could care less about what you’re doing and care more about whether or not it makes you happy. Which I can see, doesn’t.
Hence my need to fix it. Because that’s what I do, I’ve been able to make things better so I want to keep doing that. But I’m noticing now, it’s out of my control. And I hate it. I loathe it because I’m able to fix most things. Hell, that’s my job. Putting out fires. But I can’t do that with you and your problems. It’s almost getting to the point where I feel like I’m losing you. That you’re pulling away again.
So I’m at a loss. I’m lost. I just don’t know what to do. Because I feel selfish if I tell you that something good happened in my day. I feel selfish that I need you here and I want things to go back to normal, when we both loved each other and that was enough. I want to go back to when I felt needed and wanted. When you paid attention.
I don’t want to feel those things but I do. Only because I know how happy we both were. I just want things to feel okay again.
Remember when I told you that you were my, “escape from reality?” And you got so mad because you wanted to be a part of my reality. Well please, let me be your escape. Let me be that person you can let loose with and forget about everything that’s bugging you and stressing you out. Just let me be your escape and we can figure the rest out…